Tell It To Al

If you got a big, fat bonus from failed investment bank Merrill Lynch, you’ve just gotta love bailed-out Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis.

He flies the corporate jet to New York to answer to New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. No commercial coach seat for him. It’s not like he’s an washed-up auto exec or something.

The AG wanted to know who got the $3.6 billion in bonuses doled out to Merrill Lynch managers just before that foundering firm was forced to merge with BOA – which, by the way, has kept its bag open for taxpayer money like a pre-teen sugar addict on Halloween.

Lewis wouldn’t divulge the names.

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Looks like former Qwest CEO Joe Nacchio is headed to prison, or the U.S. Supreme Court, or both.

Nacchio was convicted on 19 counts of insider trading in April 2007. In an usual turn of legal process, he won a new trial on appeal in March, only to have this victory overturned on Wednesday.

Click here for the details in my column. Click here to see me talk about Nacchio on 9News in Denver.

Jurors who convicted Nacchio told The Denver Post they were pleased to see their verdict upheld.

White collar crime has gone too far.

“It’s all about avarice and greed,” , said David McCanless, 58, of Lakewood, Colo.  “We should learn from the Chinese and lop off a few heads, like Bernie Madoff. Put a couple of shrunken heads at the entrance to the New York Stock Exchange. There should be more outrage.”

(PHOTO: Hyoung Chang, The Denver Post)

Jamaican newspaperman H.G. Helps says he was fired from the Antigua Sun just for covering a political rally, as assigned by his editor.

 The billionaire owner of this tiny newspaper came in to personally confront Helps before the entire staff.

That billionaire was none other than offshore banker R. Allen Stanford, who now stands accused of an $8 billion financial fraud at his company, Stanford Financial Group. 

Sir Stanford, who Antigua knighted in 2006, has a long history of lording over the islanders, said Helps.

One of Helps’ sources explained early on: “Stanford go on like a he own Antigua. He want everything and the Antiguan people no fi get nutten.”

Click here to read my column. Click here to read Helps’ story in the Jamaica Obersver.

Northern Trust Corp. is rockin’ on with our bailout money, hosting extravagant parties in Los Angeles that featured private performances by Earth, Wind & Fire, Chicago and Sheryl Crow.

Click here for the details in my column. Also see TMZ’s piece.

I don’t know what songs the artists played for the Chicago-based company’s guests. But there’s nothing like hundreds of well-heeled bank clients and employees listening to the anthems of the little people:

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Smith & Wesson is recalling handguns that may just go off by themselves.

“Smith & Wesson has identified a condition … which may permit a round to be discharged without the trigger being pulled,” the Springfield, Mass. gun maker said on its website.

The recall applies to Walther PPK and PPK/S pistols.

And just in case gun owners didn’t know, the company says: “Any unintended discharge of a firearm has the potential for causing injury, and we ask that you stop using your pistol immediately.”

Otherwise, you can tell it to the judge: “Your honor, really, the gun just went of by itself.”

(PHOTO: Smith & Wesson)

American Express is giving some of its customers $300 to pay off their accounts and go away.

Not-so-select cardholders who pay off their balances and close their accounts by April 30 will get a pre-paid card loaded with $300.

The company is apparently in a big  hurry to get rid of some of its riskier customers as consumer defaults skyrocket amid mass layoffs and an ongoing recession.

“The prepaid card can be used to help you with your day-to-day expenses including purchases at your pharmacy, grocery store, or virtually anywhere American Express^® Cards are excepted,” the company wrote on its website. 

Amex subsequently fixed this sentence to read “accepted,” not “excepted.”  But it was just as well.

Now here’s an idea: Shoot the psycho killer before he stabs you to death.

Entrepreneur Rob Wilcox shows you how with Face File, his startup Internet company.

Wilcox wants you to pull out your cellphone, shoot photos of people you do not know, and text or e-mail them to Face File. Should anything happen to you, their likenesses have been captured with a date and time stamp for law enforcement authorities to pursue.

It’s like having your own Narc, right in your pocket.

Click here to read my column. And tell me what you think of this idea.

I also discussed Face File with 9News Anchor Kyle Clark. Click here for a replay.

Hey, Switzerland.

Appreciate all the hot chocolate over the years, but we’re running a huge deficit over here. And it looks like you’re helping some U.S. tax dodgers who could be paying part of this multitrillion-dollar tab.

The Internal Revenue Service wants your bank, UBS AG, to fork over records on 52,000 U.S. customers who allegedly violated U.S. tax laws by hiding their loot in Swiss accounts worth at least $14.8 billion.

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Alleged swinder Bernie Madoff hasn’t bought a stock in 13 years, a court-appointed trustee said Friday.

What did he do with the money?

Most likely investigators will show that he just shoveled it around, pinching the pot to handsomely pay himself and his employees. New money coming in went to pay off any old money going out – until the alleged scheme could no longer sustain itself.

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 ”How do you spot a liar?”

This is what Forbes magazine asked Sir Allen Stanford last year when it profiled him for its annual list of the “400 Richest Americans,” ranking Stanford #205 with a net worth of $2.2 billion.

This was his answer:  “Ask the same question three different ways and see if the answer is consistent.”

I think it’s about time we put the Texas financier, who claims knighthood from Antigua, to his own test.

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