Randomly Noted

A good friend, Chrysler employee (still employed!), and the father of a young brood in the Detroit area,  sent along Bob Nardelli’s swan-song staff memo (plus a few quick personal comments.) I get a kick out of legally-vetted, HR-and PR-laundered missives which attempt to strike a jaunty, upbeat note while purporting to be candid and tell-it-like-it-is. Some excerpts: “This is a historic day for Chrysler.” That’s one word for it. “I am very pleased to report that Chrysler LLC and Fiat S.p.A. have reached an agreement in principle to establish a global strategic alliance.” How times have changed – a former basket-case Italian auto maker is poised to help an American legend survive.  “…I plan to leave the company and return to Cerberus Capital Management as an advisor…(T)his is an appropriate time to let others take the lead in transformation of Chrysler with Fiat.” Lucky fellow – has a fancy job waiting for him at the private equity firm that did such a lackluster job in the first place. Chrysler and Fiat will “fully optimize our respective manufacturing footprints…” Footprints – the work of  speech writers and publicists trying to avoid mundane words like “operations” or “factories.” More from Nardelli: “…(W)e were not able to obtain the necessary concessions from all of our lenders.” Translation: those mean, nasty hedge funds and other investors who looked out for their and their clients’ interests. Bob, Isn’t this what firms like Cerberus do for a living – try to “optimize,” to use your euphemism, their investment returns?  A “leaner new company” will emerge from Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in a month or two, “well positioned for long-term viability.” Leaner, sure; well-positioned, not sure sure given the competitive robustness of the Japanese and Korean auto makers (and some rival Europeans). “…(T)oday, from many great parts, we begin to build a vibrant new company…” Says my friend, the Chrysler employee, referring to his youngsters: “The kids are so funny about it since they hear so much.” His oldest son, a pre-teen, ”keeps giving me new job ideas. It will be a crazy few months, that’s for sure.”