I’ve long thought that advertising is the most important industry in America, and that’s not just because I’ve seen every episode of “Mad Men.” No other industry is tasked with the all-important task of getting people to spend money they may or may not have on products that almost never need, or may even be harmful to them. That’s quite a task, but year in and year out, America’s ad men get us buzzing over all manner of nonsense, and spending money like drunken sailors.
Which brings us to a very special Market Talk snippet that ran on the Broadtape today. Apparently, Goldman Sachs, perhaps you’ve heard of them, embarked upon an advertising campaign (along with a spiffy website) to clean-up its image with the masses. They bought a full-page, full-color ad in today’s Journal (page A7), bragging about how through its expertise in the capital markets it helped some wind company create, you know, windmills, and…wait for it…jobs!
Goldman Sachs, progress is everyone’s business. Makes you feel warm all over, doesn’t it?
Needless to say, we had a lot of fun trying to come up with a headline for this one. An item like this is a cynical headline writer’s nirvana. Most of our ideas were unprintable. What we finally came up with was printable, and we thought, hey, let’s have some more fun.
So, dear readers, today’s challenge is to come up with the sharpest, wittiest headline for the following item. Be creative but keep it clean (dashes and symbols are acceptable,) this is a family blog. Submit your headlines in the comments below. Winner gets a t-shirt (okay, that’s not true. We don’t have t-shirts. The truth is the winner gets absolutely nothing. But if we had t-shirts, we’d give you one.)
Here’s the item:
MARKET TALK: Oh, We Know Who You Are
12:20 (Dow Jones) Goldman Sachs (GS) rolled out a new advertising campaign today designed to clean up its image by showing how it promotes business growth and job creation by financing companies, governments and institutions. The full page ads, which depict wind turbines and a hard-hat wearing worker, ran in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times and are set to run in other national and regional papers, including USA Today. GS, which has taken a public and political beating in the last year, is using the ads to explain “who we are and what we do,” a spokesman says. GS down 0.7% at $143.93. (email@example.com)
Don’t leave us hanging, Raymond, Tyler, J., Brad, Beverly and everybody else.